It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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