Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
