i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
