it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize