Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
