Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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