you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
