She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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