i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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