you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
