you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
