yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Randomize
