I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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