Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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