Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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