its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
