i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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