i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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