she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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