Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I have tasted many bathrooms
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