it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
