i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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