Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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