Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
