just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
