i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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