im having a threesome with these popsicles
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
