I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Randomize
