I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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