Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
