I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
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