I think my fart just growled at me.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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