hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
