oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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