Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
