...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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