every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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