You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
