she looked like the before picture.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
