I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
