I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
