Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
