the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
