she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
