we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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