He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Bring me that man meat
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
