I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
