just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns