I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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