"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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