It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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