That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
