went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
