I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
