Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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