I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
