Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
