you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
