there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
