Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
