Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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