If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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