Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
