Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
not ubering you a puppy
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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