chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
