Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
