U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
