You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
i black out too much to be "responsible"
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
