you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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