why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
