Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
